How to, like, write cover letters and resumes and know what jobs to apply to and shit. ›





How to, like, write cover letters and resumes and know what jobs to apply to and shit.

Basically I have been blessed to be close to people who work in hiring and were very, very willing to pass along their knowledge and tips and since a lot of people I know on here seem mystified by these things, I will share my vast wealth of knowledge with you*

*Some of this knowledge might be contradicted by specifics from your own field. If you’re a chemical engineer some of these things might not apply and that’s fine. This is just ~*widely applicable*~ stuff.

Cover Letters

Cover letters are the stupidest part of a job application. The cover letter is really only there to show two things: 1) That you have a command of language that is both accurate and appropriate; 2) you read the job listing.

  • Your cover letter should be short. The hirer has likely read hundreds that day, and by read, I mean “skimmed over lightly.” You don’t need to fill up an entire page. 
  • It should only contain pertinent information. Do not try to be cutesy or “creative” unless the job listing SPECIFICALLY asks for that. Trust me, I’ve had to hire people. Those people’s letters got passed around for mocking. DO NOT BE THAT PERSON.
  • It should speak to the job listing, but only enough that it shows that you read it. If the job listing emphasizes that they’re looking for somebody who is willing to work odd hours, throw in a line that in your past experience you have been noted for being flexible with time. It doesn’t need a Faulkner-length explanation.
  • If you know the name of the person to whom the letter is addressed, address it to them. If you it is a blind application, you don’t need to put “To Whom It May Concern” or “Dear Sir/Madam;” just don’t say anything.
  • Stop freaking out about it. Seriously, your CL is not nearly as scary as you think it is. If you want to see a screenshot if an example cover letter that is a “catch all,” click here. I just pulled this out of my ass for a fictional job/person.


Your resume is not an “employment record.” Unless you have no experience, it should only list the things that are the most impressive or demonstrate your abilities the clearest. 

  • If you have an “Objective” on your resume, take it off. All of the employers I know said, “We KNOW your objective—you want the job! It just takes up space.” 
  • Always make sure that your resume is formatted cleanly and with maximum readability in mind. I strongly, strongly suggest visiting this link to see how to format your resume best. Visual cleanliness matters. 
  • Your resume should be ONE page. Just one. Not two or more
  • You can’t lie on your resume; you can learn how to make things sound more impressive. If you worked at a hair salon cleaning up, don’t say “Swept floors.” Instead write, “Contributed to the efficiency and cleanliness of the salon by sweeping floors.” It sounds like bullshit to you, but to a prospective employer, it sounds like you’re happy being part of a team. Try to describe what you did in at least 7 words.
  • You can divide your resume if you want to highlight certain experiences over others. Making two sections such as “Relevant Experience” and “Other Experience” breaks it up, allows the reader to skip around, and let’s you highlight what you want to highlight.
  • Learn to weed things out. Unless you can make it look like it taught you something huge, don’t waste the space. At the same time, if a job sucked but you can make it appear like it really impacted you, use it. This is not the truth about how you felt about that last job. This is you advertising yourself. You’re trying to get a job, not a Nobel Prize for emotional honesty. 
Now, what about the Skills section? You should have one, but as one friend said, “Nobody gives a shit if you went to France and had a great time. What we care about is if you’re proficient in French.” That should be your metric for things:
  • Only list experiences that would aid you in this job or a similar one—not things that were “cool.” This is the place for things that you’ve learned but perhaps can’t tie to a job. Examples: foreign language skills, clerical training, courses/certifications, etc. 
  • List all of the software that you know. Even if it doesn’t seem relevant to that job, weird things happen. List any MS Office/equivalent software, if you are familiar with both Mac and PC, any graphics editing software you know… 
  • SOCIAL MEDIA IS A THING THAT YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY MAKE KNOWN. To people ~30 and under, social media seems like a given. But to many employers, it’s a mystical world filled with equal amounts of marketing opportunities and terror. Make it clear what social networking sites you know how to use—obviously Facebook and Twitter, but also LinkedIn, Pinterest, Tumblr, etc. 

Applying to Jobs/Interviewing

Unfortunately, I can give you less specific advice here because we are not likely working in the same field—but here are just some general things to file away:

  • If there’s a job listing that you feel qualified for but the listing says it wants more years of experience than you have, apply anyway. Those employers are unlikely to find that unicorn that has 4+ years of experience and is willing to work basically minimum wage. While more experience is a plus, they really just want somebody who can do the job. When it comes to applying to jobs, you really have nothing to lose by applying to anything that tickles your fancy
  • Interviewing is an entire post unto itself, but I’ll give you the tips that I’ve been given by my people: be calm, be on time, and ask good questions. Always have some questions lined up, even if you already know the answer. “What are you looking for in the right candidate?” is a good example, or “Are there opportunities for growth within the company?” etc. 

Accepting a Job

So you got a job offer; exciting! Before you immediately accept, really vet the place to make sure it’s somewhere you’d like to work. Months of unemployment make you desperate, but sometimes jumping at the first opportunity it isn’t worth it. THIS HAPPENED TO ME, LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES

Things you should think about:

  • Do I know ALL things about the job, including: what I will be paid/how often, if there are benefits and when I get them, what hours I am working, how overtime is handled, how sick time is handled,etc. These are all incredibly important to know and if your employer is legitimate they will welcome you asking them. 
  • Is the distance commutable, or is it too far from home? (Think about how transit/gasoline will cut into your paycheck.)
  • Does the job give me the time necessary to do other important things?
  • Does the office environment seem like one I can spend at least six months in? (Every month at a bad job feels like an eternity—if you have bad feelings, trust them.) 
  • Does the job offer me anything besides a paycheck? Will I be learning any skills at this job or making important connections that can help me down the road?
IMPORTANT: If an employer tries to give you a W-9 tax form upon your hiring and you are NOT a freelancer (independent contractor), RUN. This is tax fraud and is very messy and is entirely there to screw you. Become familiar with the legal definition of a freelancer so you know if you’re walking into a shady place. It happens more than you’d think, and it sucks, and is weird.
If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message or whatever, I’ll gladly answer to the best of my ability! GO GET ‘EM. 

Gonna go ahead and disagree with one bit—the one-page resume rule does not have to be adhered to. Make sure your most impressive and relevant bits are on the first page; but feel free to have more than one page of a resume. 

If you have a degree (or several) and a few years in the working world, you probably already have way more than can fit on one page. Go onto a second, or even a third. Know that some hiring managers will only read the first page (hence the “put the best stuff there” recommendation) but don’t be afraid to list ALL of the best parts of your work and academic history on your resume.

I’m going to venture in on both as a hiring manager who reads resumes and someone with an advanced degree and over 25 years of work experience.

My full resume is 2 pages long.  I also have an abridged resume that is only 1 page long.  I send one or the other based on my read of a prospective employer — sometimes I call and ask which they’d rather have.

Here’s the first thing about your resume:  it’s not a C.V.  It’s not supposed to tell me every thing you’ve done great and small.  It’s supposed to get my interest so that I want to call you in for an interview, and that’s where you tell me all the detail about how great you are.

Here’s the second thing about your resume: it’s a very small part of a very large pile of resumes a hiring manager is going to sift through unless they work somewhere that has a large HR department that applies a first cut before they get to us.  Here’s the thing about hiring managers:  we don’t have alot of time to read resumes — we have jobs to do.  What this boils down to is that you only have a very little bit of time to get the hiring manager’s attention. 

Third page?  Forget it: I promise you I will never look at the third page of a resume.  I start at the top of the first page.  If you’ve gotten my interest by the time I can see my thumbs, I read the rest of the page. Otherwise it goes on the reject pile and I move to the next resume.  If there’s a second page and you’re senior in your field and I thought your first page was exciting and I want to read more, I’ll skim the second page before I decide whether to have you in or not.  Whatever was on the third page that you thought would get my interest belongs on the first page, and if you’ve got so many things that are that interesting on the first page already you’ll have my interest and you don’t need to list more. 

Also, if I see a resume that’s three pages long I’m going to infer that summarizing and organizing information is not the candidate’s forte, and that’s a dealbreaker too.

reblogging because I NEED A (REAL) JOB

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I’ve been meaning to post this for a while… It’s all my favorite music. Enjoy <3

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holy dicks, that’s useful

reblogging for future reference

reblogging for future essays

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Walt Disney Movie Collection 1937-2008 Single Link

1937 - Snow White and the Seven Dwarves
1940 - Fantasia
1940 - Pinocchio
1941 - Dumbo
1941 - The Reluctant Dragon
1942 - Bambi
1942 - Saludos Amigos
1943 - Victory Through Air Power
1945 - The Three Caballeros
1946 - Make Mine Music
1946 - Song of the South
1947 - Fun and Fancy Free
1948 - Melody Time
1949 - The Adventures Of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
1950 - Cinderella
1951 - Alice in Wonderland
1953 - Peter Pan
1954 - 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea
1955 - Lady and the Tramp
1957 - Old Yeller
1959 - Darby O’Gill and the Little People
1959 - Sleeping Beauty
1960 - Swiss Family Robinson
1961 - 101 Dalmatians
1963 - The Sword in the Stone
1964 - Mary Poppins
1965 - That Darn Cat
1967 - The Jungle Book
1968 - The Love Bug
1970 - The Aristocats
1971 - Bedknobs and Broomsticks
1971 - The Million Dollar Duck
1973 - Robin Hood
1974 - Herbie Rides Again
1977 - Pete’s Dragon
1977 - The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
1977 - The Rescuers
1981 - The Fox and the Hound
1982 - A Disney Christmas Gift
1985 - The Black Cauldron
1986 - The Great Mouse Detective
1988 - Oliver & Company
1988 - Who Framed Roger Rabbit
1989 - The Little Mermaid
1990 - Ducktales The Movie - Treasure of the Lost Lamp
1990 - The Rescuers Down Under
1991 - Beauty and the Beast
1993 - The Nightmare Before Christmas
1994 - Aladdin -The Return of Jafar
1994 - Aladdin
1994 - The Lion King
1995 - A Goofy Movie
1995 - Pocahontas
1995 - Toy Story
1996 - Aladdin and the King of Thieves
1996 - James and the Giant Peach
1996 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame
1997 - Beauty and the Beast - The Enchanted Christmas
1997 - Hercules
1997 - Winnie The Pooh’s Most Grand Adventure
1998 - A Bug’s Life
1998 - Belle’s Magical World
1998 - Mulan
1998 - Pocahontas II - Journey to a New World
1998 - The Lion King 2 - Simba’s Pride
1999 - Mickey’s Once Upon A Christmas
1999 - Tarzan
1999 - Toy Story 2
1999 - Winnie The Pooh-Seasons of Giving
2000 - An Extremely Goofy Movie
2000 - Buzz Lightyear Of Star Command, The Adventure Begins
2000 - Dinosaur
2000 - Fantasia 2000
2000 - The Emperor’s New Groove
2000 - The Little Mermaid 2-Return to the Sea
2000 - The Tigger Movie
2001 - Atlantis The Lost Empire
2001 - Lady And The Tramp II - Scamp’s Adventure
2001 - Mickey’s Magical Christmas-Snowed In at the House of Mouse
2001 - Monsters, Inc.
2002 - Cinderella II - Dreams Come True
2002 - Lilo And Stitch
2002 - Mickey’s House of Mouse - The Villains
2002 - Return to Never Land
2002 - Tarzan & Jane
2002 - The Hunchback of Notre Dame II
2002 - Treasure Planet
2002 - Winnie the Pooh-A Very Merry Pooh Year
2003 - 101 Dalmatians 2 - Patch’s London Adventure
2003 - Atlantis 2 Milo’s Return
2003 - Brother Bear
2003 - Finding Nemo
2003 - Kim Possible - A Stitch In Time
2003 - Piglet’s Big Movie
2003 - Stitch! The Movie
2003 - The Jungle Book 2 
2004 - Home On The Range
2004 - Kim Possible - The Villain Files
2004 - Mickey Donald Goofy-The Three Musketeers
2004 - Mickeys Twice Upon a Christmas
2004 - The Incredibles
2004 - The Lion King 1-1.5 - Hakuna Matata
2004 - Winnie the Pooh - Springtime With Roo
2005 - Chicken Little
2005 - Disney’s Christmas Favourites
2005 - Kim Possible - So The Drama
2005 - Kronk’s New Groove
2005 - Lilo and Stitch 2 - Stitch has a Glitch
2005 - Pooh’s Heffalump Movie
2005 - Tarzan II
2006 - Bambi II
2006 - Brother Bear 2 
2006 - Cars
2006 - Leroy & Stitch
2006 - The Fox and the Hound 2 
2007 - Cinderella III - A Twist in Time
2007 - Disney Princess Enchanted Tales - Follow Your Dreams
2007 - Enchanted
2007 - Meet The Robinsons
2008 - Bolt
2008 - The Little Mermaid - Ariel’s Beginning
2008 - Tinker Bell
2008 - Wall-E

did i just die and go to heaven?

for anon.

im sure ill need this sooner or later

all my favorite old movies! hopefully they’ll get 2009-2012 soon :’)

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Take a shot every time Frodo looks like he’s having an orgasm.

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